Monday, February 24, 2014

Trying to work for free (and other joys)

So now, my time in Dublin is starting to fade quickly in front of me. Assuming I don't soon find myself labeled 'the least desirable intern EVER' resulting in no internship for the summer, I will soon be off to my next destination. While nothing's concrete, I do have "something good could be coming"s from 4 Gender & Humanitarian Response UN peoples... 2 from NYC & 2 from Geneva. As I look forward, my primary thought is "BOY, am I looking forward to packing!

Now, I've been on a strong positivity kick this week so I'm gonna focus on all the great things that are coming.
I'm not gonna focus on the past 3 weeks of having no responses when asking if I can essentially pay to work. 
I'm not gonna focus on the whole list of economic principles to back this up including opportunity cost and the like.
I'm not gonna focus on  having to live in places like Geneva and New York while not getting paid.
I'm not even gonna think about the multitudes of thousands of dollars I have hanging over my head. Because what student doesn't have that these days??

Instead- 
I'm gonna focus on the possibility of getting to spend the next 3-6 months in New York with so many great friends! And all the brunches that will be had! And all the cycling around the city! And all the farmers markets! And all the vintage clothes shopping (or looking)!

I'm gonna focus on the potential to live in a beautiful, Swiss city where I can speak all the French and drink all the coffee! And the mere train ride away I am from other great friends in Paris (a city I'll never get sick of visitng). And all the NEW friends I'll find to have picnics with by a lake!

I'm gonna focus on the possibility of working where I've DREAMED of working! I'm gonna focus on the feeling  that I'm finally getting to the places I've been setting up so many aspects of my life to get to.
I'm gonna focus on the feeling that even if what I'm doing isn't having a direct, positive impact on people's lives that I'm on way to doing just that.

Saying goodbye again is probably not gonna be fun. It never is. But, sticking with the positive. I'm looking forward to the fact that saying "Hello!" to the next chapter will outshine the goodbye.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Back on the emerald isle!

I can't remember the last time I called it the Emerald Isle, but it's just so pretty & green this morning that I couldn't help but call it that! I'm sitting back in our quiet post-grad reading room that always makes me feel smart & accomplished... i had korean twice yesterday...i have a beautiful big cheap coffee in front of me...slept in my big awesome bed last night, cool and happy...life is GOOD!
I even slept a bit on the plane from Rwanda, I accomplished the rare, -get dinner, finish movie, sleep & wake up for breakfast- combo that is absolutely ideal for overnight flights! Twas a beautiful thing! And I was happy to leave Rwanda but when the plane was taking off, i got a bit choked up. It hit me out of nowhere and i certainly didn't expect it, but it happened! I think it's because I have no idea when I'm gonna get back there...i know it will happen cause I can't seem to stay away for too long, but at least this was "bye for a while"
Now i have to dive back into the hell that is finding an apt in Dublin in September b/c my landlord was a bit crazy when I came home, but i'm not homeless yet! I've got a week, so wish me luck! I am so excited for this upcoming year though, i was so excited to come back but i'd even forgotten some of the things I love so much here. Walking across the harp bridge (or riding across on my bike) with the sun lighting my face and glistening off the water from Dublin bay...i truly have to take a picture of that and post it here because it's the single greatest scene in my life here. It somehow encapsulates everything I love about life here.
That, and a photo series of live pub seshes...went for one last night and even though we were in Temple Bar surrounded by tourists, it felt like our Dublin. So cheers to that! Cheers to another year in a place that actually feels like home.

Friday, August 30, 2013

pre-nostalgia

I've been pleasantly surprised at the end of this all...amused by the nostalgia & fondness for everything here that's setting in. I've only got about 53.4 hours left in the country (not that i'm counting) and while I'm ready to get back to Dublin and haven't had a life-changing experience or anything, I'm glad I got to come back. I'm glad I got to have a bit of a different experience here. When prompted the other day to rate the experience on a scale of 1 to 10, I gave it a 6...not because it'd been anything particularly bad, but nothing spectacular. And compared to some times in the previous year, of trips to Portugal, Spain, France & even running around Dublin with some of my US friends, it just wasn't as great...(yeah, admittedly, i really like life right now, it's not so rough) I don't think there's anything wrong with looking critically at what I've gotten out of this, maybe even negatively as long as I appreciate the good parts, and those were here too!
There were definitely some sunsets under the avocado tree that made me glad I came and made me realize how much I appreciate the change of scenery and some elements of the life here.

 My placement wasn't the internship I hoped for, but I feel good about the work I did and what I had to do to get it done. I didn't get to see anywhere I hadn't before, no safaris, gorillas or rainforests, but I'm pretty confident that I'm gonna be back in Rwanda sometime, and further, with more money to really enjoy those things and do them the posh, muzungu way, while still retaining some of the Peace Corps perspective that I'm unlikely ever to completely lose. And I'm glad of that cause I do think it's unique. The other weekend at a barge party on Lake Kivu (the first of its kind) I met up with some fellow RPCVs from Burkina Faso and the list of experiences and expectations was so similar you'd think we'd all been in the same places doing the same things.

As I look for internships for this upcoming year in Dublin I'm having to encapsulate my experience into a CV-enhancing, super-active, professional, awesome thing. In doing so and in creating my presentation of my "research findings," I am able to appreciate what I've gotten out of all this, but I've also come to remind myself of what else (and how much else) there's still for me to do in my life quest!  Bring it on....Round 2? 3? i might've lost count...i'm okay with that.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Rachel rates

It's no great secret that I am a big fan of bargaining anywhere I can. On occasion, I just want to see a price, accept the price, and pay said price. However, most of the time, I derive significantly more satisfaction from haggling over what often amounts to 10 to 50 cents. It may not seem like much and it may even seem petty to some, but I have several reasons for fighting for those 18 cents.
  1. It's all part of the culture...in some places, they even get offended if you don't join in on the fun.  I always call to mind an awesome interaction with an old Chinese woman over 1 kuai (1/7 of a dollar) for a fake Coach wallet. By the end, we were both cracking up and hugging after the exchange, appreciating each other's false resolve.
  2. While price discrimination may seem like a dirty word, it makes sense economically, if you're willing to spend the time and energy to fight for the price you think you should be paying, you should pay it, it's just another type of opportunity cost. (For those not into Econ- blah blah, paying, blah blah, rachel's a cheapskate justifying herself, blah.)
  3. I'm doing it for the benefit of all muzungus. (She says to herself magnanimously) Many in Rwanda (and elsewhere) assume all Americans just have money to burn. While I recognize that even the poor in America are on average better off than the poor elsewhere, it doesn't diminish their difficulties. I make it a point to explain that not everyone in America is rich AND that life is in general, much more expensive there. So while I can't explain purchasing power parities, I can give them the price of a pair of shoes (or a college education) and absolutely blow their minds! The most difficult part of them assuming we're all rich is that they feel they then have the right to constantly ask for things (money, pens, bananas, and once, chocolate...uh buh?!) Now most of the people who are asking don't even need these things, they're just sooo used to foreigners coming in and giving things that they figure, "eh, can't hurt to ask" and this is equally true in price negotiations. Moto rides are a perfect example... now, we've recently noticed that sometimes Rwandans don't even negotiate a price before the ride, they simply state the destination, make sure the driver's not drunk, grab a helmet and hop on. I was taught however, to always predetermine price beforehand. Moto drivers in Kigali have chosen the arbitrary price of 1000 francs as the initial offer for anywhere in Kigali. The final price (and price one should pay) could be anywhere from 300-800 francs but because they see my skin (or general, non-Rwandanness) they just start at 1000 to see if they can get the silly foreigner to pay that much. I often have to laugh in their face or walk away OR even pit them against each other to get them down to a reasonable price or one I'm willing to pay. I figure if I make them realize that not all muzungus will just pay whatever, maybe they won't try to rip us off as often... and yes, I also realize this may be a futile effort. 
  4. Finally, while I may annoy many of my fellow travelers, I really do enjoy the process. I feel like both of us are benefiting from the exchange and we've gotten a nice little dose of human interaction for the day. 
This being said, not everyone enjoys the process as much, some not at all. Often my friends are exasperated by my refusal to pay above a certain price when they won't budge. And they're justifiably annoyed or hesitant to tell me how much they've paid for things they've just gotten from a local craftsman or market mama. I try not to be annoying about it, cause I know it can seem condescending, but really it's just differences in shopping style and hey, you wouldn't have bought it if you didn't think it was worth that amount so we're all just paying what we think we should...I just happen to think I should always pay a Rachel rate...or a bit less, but I'll also always be willing to fight for it, it's one of the few fights I actually enjoy!  

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Best & Worst

It's funny how widely your interactions with people can vary in a week...
I've only got 11 more days here in Rwanda (this time around, cause clearly i cannot get away from this place for long) and I've finally harassed people enough to talk to me, bringing my interview count up to 9, which really doesn't sound like enough considering all the time I've put into the process! How many calls & emails constitute stalking??
Some of the interviews have been really great. This morning, while I did have to get up far too early for the 7am interview,  it was worthwhile. I spoke with a high-up in one of the Gender ministries here. The guy I interviewed had one of the best concepts of the socialization foundations for gender that I've yet encountered, which is funny because 7 of the other interviewees have been women. In my research I've been trying to assess the relative vulnerability of female-headed households (FHH cause that's all i have the patience to write). In a developing context a FHH, is usually one in which a woman has been widowed, is a single mother, or has had to separate from the father for some reason. While this is a relatively common occurrence in many places, it can have much more drastic effects for women in developing countries where their relative position in society is already disadvantaged. But when I ask about whether or not FHH should be considered a vulnerable population and why, I get some interesting answers...
One women the other day said, "well, it is clear...the women are not prepared for the responsibilities of being the breadwinner"
Maybe it's just me, while I understand that line of logic, it still speaks to some sort of incapacity of the woman (regardless of the reason)
This morning's interviewee gave me a great analogy about a man's brain/ideas being like a moto and woman's being like a bus...one may be faster, but it carries less with it, it has less capacity. Once the bus is able to go on it's own, it can be just as fast but carrying more with it. To use an oft-cited development cliche he gave me an illustration of "resilience" as opposed to "vulnerability" He also spoke of how socialization has constrained women to limit their own capacity. Which seems obvious to fans of gender talk...but is great coming from a man in a position of power and in Rwanda...
Now this being in stark contrast to my interactions at the market on Saturday where one of my favorite veg sellers (a man) disappointingly became a little too attached to the idea of me being his inshyuti or friend (which can be meant in both the platonic and non-platonic way). Just the fact that he thought he could kiss me in a crowded public market w/ no encouragement on my part speaks to the general regard for women, "you are what I want you to be, when I want you to be it..."
I'll save the, it's hard to make friends in rwanda talk for another post (which I may have already done), but needless to say, most of my time has been spent w/ fellow expats who understand a bit more about me, my thoughts, feelings, and my deep love for wine and foods other than rice, beans & potatoes (NUTTY, i know!)

Monday, August 12, 2013

On the up and up!

Headed into the final stretch here...I dunno if 20 days seems like the final stretch to anyone else, but it certainly does to me! I guess I only respond to pressure, because I've been more active today than in the last two weeks combined. A healthy dose of fear, I suppose!
I've scheduled more interviews, am trying to find as many organizations as possible to speak with, AND am trying to sort out an internship for the upcoming year (cause a thesis, full course load and weekend job clearly aren't enough!) Regrettably, I keep seeming to miss internship application deadlines by just a few days! It's a curse, but i am bent & determined, and will thus, persevere!! If I have to just start emailing people saying, "Hey I know you didn't ask for it...but I'll work for you for freeee!" I will.

I've also been grappling with the issue of next summer...where to go, what to do.... Maybe it's just me, but I find it so difficult to make choices when my options are pretty much-anything.......anywhere. Maybe I just really like ellipses...
I've got another year of coursework in old Dublin, then the world is my oyster, or job offer. I was talking to my sister recently and was thinking about how nice it would be to be a little closer to home, working in the states or even Europe. The option to see the fam more than once a year would be fantastic, but I'm sure it's possible just yet.
I'll be looking mostly in India & SE Asia I think, since that seems to be my biggest gap in world experience so far. If so, lucky you, a whole new place that I can over-simplify, misinterpret and in general, give you an extremely biased account of! I'm looking forward to the next internship because it will be more so on my own terms, I can find an awesome women-empowering, human rights-focused, or human-trafficking concern organization and get some valuable experience, without the stinky burden of research and my thesis looming overhead.
I'm also excited and ready for it because I'm feeling more and more that this is the path I wanna be on. I've found in the last 2 months how little I'm bothered by the stuff that used to drive me crazy last time. Maybe it's because I constantly expect it, or I've already gone through the painful adjustment phase of expat life and into the bitter acceptance phase. 9 times out of 10 (the one time being when i'm really tired or hungover) I don't mind the long waits, or mess of the market, or the crowd for the bus, or the stares, even the echoes of "muzungu" in my ear just wash over me. It all glides past in a wave of "this is life as we know it" and doesn't bring me down or affect my days the way it used to. It's not been an easy path and I had a pretty painful year of adjustment, but I'm very pleased with this result.
In an odd way, I feel like that, coupled with my love of flying and airports and jumping into awkward situations when i'm only kind of understood, and my affection for noises & gestures over words makes me feel oddly suited for this career path...I guess we'll see in the time to come, but bring on the next adventure!

Monday, July 29, 2013

over the hump...into the slump

So we've hit the halfway point for our short time in Rwanda. 5 weeks from today I'll be back in Dublin. I'm not gonna lie, I'm really excited about that prospect. I've been scouring websites for internships and such for once I'm back in Dublin...it's a small world, but I'm hoping I just might get lucky.
BUT I am trying to enjoy the last month here. I know it's gonna go quickly, so I don't need to wish for that or anticipate the passage of time. In the last week, I was hitting a slump. I was annoyed at all the little things that I've become so used to, I'm typically pretty good at ignoring. It's the old laundry list of complaints really: stares, "muzungu" calls and whisperings, the lack of certainty with things (is this bus that i'm on, which has always gone to the same place, not going to today? will the market be open if i trek out there?) These may sound like odd or unrealistic concerns, but they're all borne from experience...
Sometimes, the energy it takes to glaze over all these things is just more than you have. The temptation becomes too much, the temptation to stay in your bed, under your net, and with your brain happily lost in whatever TV show you're addicted to at the time. (It takes dedication to go through that many seasons of True Blood or Gossip Girl or the Office! not for the faint of heart!)
It doesn't help that the initial burst of excitement from getting some "real" research done has worn off, my initiatives to get more interviews or do some focus groups have stagnated. My fairly competitive self is also seeing the work of my classmates and the great strides being made and getting grumpy. I think I'm also lost because usually I know the steps I could be/should be taking to make things better. Where I should be looking, whom I should be contacting....but at the moment, I don't. I feel like I've exhausted my resources (which are limited as it is) and not sure how to expand out w/o diluting my work or feeling like I'm doing interviews just to be having them. In other news, how many times can one bug a ministry into speaking with them??
I guess I'll bury myself in reading this week, cause that'll help my field report (that's due at the end of all this) and see if that doesn't lead me on to somewhere new or something new to ask someone I've already bothered. (insert Potter Puppet Pals "BotherbotherBotherbotherBother")

On a brighter note, it does seem that whenever I hit a low point, I have an experience or meet someone that brings me back up. Yesterday, I had a lovely burrito lunch and attempted to go to Kimironko (my favorite market because of all the exciting veg & herbs that aren't present elsewhere). Unfortunately, it was closed...i couldn't believe it til I walked up to the locked gate, because I've never seen it closed before and have gone on Sunday afternoons often. No discernible reason why, though I suspect it might have to do with the grenade attack on Friday. It happened in Nyabugogo and it was the first time (that I'm aware of) where people were actually killed, 2 ...and another 30+ injured.
Obviously, I'm well & fine, and my mild annoyance at the market closure is nothing to the pain of people that were there. I honestly have no idea what this means for Rwanda and the DRC and what kind of mess the two will get into. I can only hope for peace and an end to the use of lives of innocents to make a point.

Wow, so not great at bringing things to a happier note...I got sidetracked, but my original purpose was to explain how pleasant the interactions at my nearby market had been. How unstressful, smiley, appreciative the experience had been yesterday afternoon. The mama's were nice and in awe of the kinyarwanda, as always, but it took a tone of appreciation instead of bizarre curiosity or mockery, which is always preferable. Long story short, I basked in those interactions on my short, cool walk home and enjoyed the great sunset from our garden (which i must post pictures of)...a scene I never get sick of, even if it happens every day. At least there's always something to look forward to!