Last 2 Weeks of Training!

I'm two weeks away from becoming an 'official' Peace Corps Volunteer. And I've hit somewhat of a plateau in terms of language, cultural adjustment, host family integration...you name it. I no longer have the high that was post-site visit. I can communicate in kinyarwanda on a just-above-basic level and can understand what I need to (most of the time). Essentially, I'm at cruising altitude. BUT now is truly NOT the time to become complacent; I have my official LPI a week from Saturday and I have a workshop to present (in KINYARWANDA) on Wednesday to PC and next Tuesday to secondary school students. SO, my laziness is ILL-timed to say the least. So I'm working on finding some motivation and trying to put together a game-plan for when I get back to site.
BUT on the bright side, I really am more and more comfortable with my host family everyday. I've reached the point where even though I'll worry that what I'm doing is weird, at the wrong time or otherwise bizarre...I'll still do it and trust that my family will laugh and point me in the right direction or tell me to do something differently. At least now I'm willing to take the chance and not paralyzed into inaction. I think it also might stem a bit from the little time I have left living with them. They've learned enough about me to expect and understand some things, and everything else I just don't really care about.
I had a very amusing time this weekend at umuganda -the Rwandan, once-monthly community work day. We were working on clearing a site to build houses for genocide widows. It was a very interesting and exhausting experience. Once we arrived, we took our ever-useful hoes, machetes, and shovels and set about hacking at stumps that were in the way of the house construction. Most of the time, we were in fact, the main attraction. It was very amusing, apparently, to watch the abazungus sweat and dig in the dirt. Just as we were about to leave, everyone else was just arriving and setting to work. This was interesting because it was supposed to start at 7 and we arrived around 8:15 and I was concerned that we were really late....most people arrived between 9 and 10.
Then, on the same day, after the most wonderful cold bucket bath, we headed off to the big city of Kigali to work on banking stuff and buy some host family gifts.
After being the only person in our group for whom a debit/atm DIDN'T exist, I decided to cut my losses and just go enjoy pizza and some shopping at Nakumatt (the supermarket/ superstore).
Needless to say, by the end of the day I was falling asleep in my plate at our late dinner.(almost literally, it would be a very amusing site had it been recorded)
And on to the next week! This week is not looking too exciting, just prepping for our workshops and more language. I just have to figure out EXACTLY what I need to learn and study this week in language to be better prepared for the Language Proficiency Interrogation. We'll see how that goes...in kinyarwanda tuzareba- "We will see."

Post Script: This is pretty much just rambling, so if you have any specific questions or curiosities about Rwanda and my life, just ask in comments or on the f-book.

1 month!

So, I've been here going on a month now...
and I've now had many moments where I've thought, "Yeah, i could live here for 2 years" and those have been very exciting! I'm back from visiting my site where I'll be living in a month, for the next two years! It was an interesting visit and I got such luxuries as riding in a car on the way there and electricity and sometimes running water! It was indeed an epic moment! And I saw my future living situation, a neat little boarding house on the top of a hill with my own little room and a common kitchen and bathrooms. It was quite a moment after having my sometimes-functioning toilet in my guest quarters, to be excited to see a pit latrine at my future residence. A hole never fails!!
But I'm excited to start my project working with the kiddies! I'm not real sure WHAT I'll be doing and I'm sure I'll be creating a lot of it from the ground up! this will be a challenge...and an opportunity! more on this to come!
Must go study for our LPI (Language Proficiency ....Interrogation?) Not sure what the 'I' stands for, but interrogation is pretty accurate from my prospective! We shall see, wish me LUCK!

MEFLOQUINE DREAMS!

The beginnings of my time in Rwanda. OH MAN!
I like to talk about how nice is the life we live and only now do I realize how far from reality even my conceptions of everything were. It's only been 12 days since I left and it literally feels like another lifetime. Talking on my cell phone has made me realize how close you can sound and how far away you can be and feel.

My host family is very nice and I know they genuinely are trying to help me adjust to life here. The ability with which they are able to do that is limited. There are only so many life adjustments one can make in a day. First, I learn how to sleep under a mosquito net on a foam bed over wooden slats with one sheet. Second, I learn to use (in the most polite terms) a pit latrine. This makes it sound so much more pleasant than the experience actually is. Then, taking a 'shower' out of a bucket, not too bad, if less relaxing. Then cooking over a fire and eating potatoes and beans everyday. I've done that once before. Just one day at a time...

In general, I'm loving life. The food is great overall, if somewhat less varied. I can still get a nice warm cup of tea in the morning. My classes are stressful but I'm learning a lot in such a short time. We have evaluations at the end before we can go from being Trainees to be recommended as Volunteers....daunting, but so far, this all seems possible. I have a great teacher and a great small group of volunteers with which I work. We're the guinea pig group here as they haven't in the recent past used the Community-Based Training model here in Rwanda. They learn as we learn, which can be frustrating for us BUT we have hope that this will make it easier for all future groups here! The staff in general, though, is very supportive! They certainly have the best interests of us and the program at heart.

I have had some rough moments, but nothing that equals the great ones. Teaching "jump", "dance", and "so TIRED" to the little girl and boy that wait to walk me to and from my house; teaching my family Old Maid; and cooking porridge in the morning with my mom and niece make it all worth it. I have met soooo many people in my umudugudu (village) but can't remember any names. So far, the greatest success is being able to feel like myself (without fear) in so many moments, and garnering a positive response. One of the common side effects of our malaria pill (Mefloquine) is wild, vivid dreams. I think I will have many more Rwandan nights for Mefloquine dreams.

Place AND Purpose!

after a ridiculous hiatus AND having a required something for which i can procrastinate, i'm resuming BLOGging (it's fun to say if you say it slooowly)
i can't promise this will be interesting or amusing, but it IS me.

i have my Peace Corps placement! I am going to Rwanda!! i'm going to work with the ministry of health and approved organizations and agencies to work on HIV/AIDS awareness and prevention! there will be a large element of working with orphans and vulnerable children(OVCs) and especially those at highest risk for transmission...young women.
of course, this is just a word description, a blurb on an experience that will be all-consuming and all-encompassing and will take over my life...likely for the rest of it.
it's a commitment beyond two years and as of right now, i could NOT be more excited to undertake it! let the preparation begin!

alternance...

back and forth..in oh so many senses.

right now I SHOULD be working on my paper that's due in 4 and a half hours...and yet...i've done everything but. I intend to fill a lot of space with images and "important" tables and such. visuals! she said visuals were very important...but that's not exactly what i felt compelled to write about.

it's my dynamic relationship with Paris...i can't say France but i don't put those two in the same category and I don't feel like I know the rest of France to comment on it at all.

BUT PARIS, on my dear city I could write volumes, especially how often i go back and forth on wanting to get back to the states and my fam... and within 5 minutes, I can't imagine leaving Paris.

It's really different than every other time i've been abroad. and i have moments where I miss Dublin so much! and now i wanna spend a semester in Geneva and one in Sydney! I really should've done another study abroad! i say that at the same time as I really wish i could be home sooner...and with my family in Illinois

...and with my friends in Boston

...and continue on here for another semester

I think it's partially the language thing. I don't feel like i've gotten as far as I should've with my french and just feel if i had another 2 months I could really do something with it and be where I feel like I should be. so for this last month I'm really gonna try and use it more...AKA all the time!

i guess at the end of it all, i just feel so cut into a million pieces and none is any stronger than the other. tough stuff.

and that's the problem with falling so fast.

i fall for where i am...and a part of me is lost there forever...and i can't take it back.

the attachment is there...

and not everyone understands that. but those that do, understand a huge part of me.

a part of myself that i'm not sure yet how to deal with...maybe that will be my mission in life. satisfying this extremely complex, divided part of myself.

in the meantime, i'll go with whatever comes to me. cause really, what other choice do i have?

whatareyagonnado?

So, yeah, not so good at updating again!

i really would have to write this on my hand to remember! i mean, i have been writing in my journal (went nuts on it in Italy)!

italy was amazing and i wouldn't travel any other way but couchsurfing now! it's sooo nice to have a local perspective! and the type of person that is attracted to it is typically someone i get along really well with and have much in common with! and i really made some great friends! three of whom are coming to Paris!! Great stuff, it was nice to meet new people, even if doing some of the touristy stuff alone kinda sucked sometimes! BUT i got to take all the time i wanted and just wandered.

that was perfection, truly. amazing.

and Italy was fun. much more chill and outlandish than Paris BUT i was actually pretty happy to get back and i got off the plane and it literally smelled like a boulangerie (!!) and amazing fresh baked bread....happiness and it was warm and rainy and PERFECT!

and then i started my stage...

and the first week of my stage was rough but it's quite nice now! except i have to work saturday but they gave me the next two Mondays off and then till my last weekend in Paris, i have people here! this is gonna start going too quickly i know it will...

obviously i had a low where i wanted to be in Boston, or home, but now i just need a refresher and i'd love to be back!

Gonna start figuring out next year i guess...

for now, i'll just make it through the next two days of work.

"life's full of little rubs and disappointments"

this is dumb.

keep that preface in mind while i whine a moment...

i'm just a little distappointed that i can't do everything i want to do in Paris, or many things, because of money. it's just such a dumb thing that has such a big effect on things. i had a dumb cry about it's dumbity dumbness and dumbdumb and then played the song that has made me happy since the age of like 4...George Harrion: Got my Mind Set on You....

do i have ANY idea why i like it so much? well, i've loved it for years

do i have ANY idea why i've liked it since my infancy? NOT at all

what about it appealed to 4 yr. old me in the car? no clue.

BUT i vividly remember driving in the car and listening to it!

ridiculous and hilarious

so that's what i'll end on. away from dumb worries about dumb things that are ridiculous because i know i'm gonna eat tomorrow and the day after, and that i have somewhere to sleep for the foreseeable future AND I'M IN PARIS!

(finding FREEE THINGS that are rock steady!)