bidding farewell and a BONJOUR

so i had to bid adieu to Boston yesterday, via a rain-soaked journey to Coolidge Corner and back!

i thanked the giant puddles that give me an excuse to do grand jete's in the street!

and CAS for always being open when i need it...pit stops, a moment of zen, a moment of dry, i feel like it's my own personal Room of Requirement.

i made lovely friends at the B of A and did informative and important things

and somehow in all this, with a little help from my friends, i packed!

AND was underweight with BOTH suitcases...ah thank you!

and i had a couple weird moments of deja vu as i walked into Logan's Int'l. terminal and up to the Aer Lingus counter. And then i was on the runway, leaving for Dubbers, and realized what was happening! I squealed and cried a bit to myself when the welcomed everyone in Gaelic and saw the hills to the north of dublin as i enjoyed my muffin and coffee. I wish so much that i could run out of the airport and stay for a bit but then i realized that i'm going to Paris...

i'm going to LIVE in Paris! and speak French everyday and haven't I been looking forward to this exact moment since Oh...ABOUT the time i began taking French in 7th grade. And when i get on my final flight to Charles de Gaulle in about an hour, then i see the land on the other side of a smaller blue than the big one i flew over last night, it's gonna hit me hard.

i was able to save myself a few and book the shuttle for my arrival which HOPEFULLY i'll be able to find. and when she spoke French on the phone, i remembered that I'd have to do that too. exciting but then i got the pit in my stomach that came before Brazil and came before China...

the knot that says, "why yes, you will embarrass yourself, probably multiple times!" the one that says, "just keep trying and then getting your coffee entirely in French will be a proud moment that'll make you wanna wear a beret!"

the one that also says, "you got yourself into this again!? you're a glutton for punishment sometimes"

but i think i'm ready to embrace all of that, and be excited about it!

side notes:

irish guys, not as attractive as i remembered (curse that rose-colored fog of nostaligia)

americans, surprising how quickly they start to seem annoying and uncouth again...very vexing.

(i love americans, we're ridiculous, but i need a few that i can point to and say proudly, "YES, we have the same Motherland" but those always seem sparse when i travel, where are we hiding them??)

i have an unhealthy love for airports, i find them strangely zen.

i looked over our orientation schedule AND our calendar for the semester and i think Paris and i will get along swimmingly, we have such similar interests and they are all present and accounted for in our calendar: pique-niques! cinema + crepe nights (perfection much?) theatre outings; cooking classes; and museums!! so many museums! this will go well!

beyond my means!

so this website...
it really has consumed me. i just get so frustrated because i know what i want, and in some senses, how to do it. but i don't know quite enough to connect it all, keep it all together, and create the new site.

i'm great with getting something and playing around on it til i know what i'm doing with it. problem is, there's no one here to say: this is what i did. so i dont' know enough, to know how to change it. This is driving me crazy. it really is too much for me. BUT maybe somehow i can figure it all out. i'll keep asking questions and getting what information i can, when i can...

and also know when to say "i can't" (right now) EVENTUALLY i always can. but not just yet...

"...it almost pays for the thud"

thud.

i guess i shouldn't throw in the towel so soon when i don't even know.
maybe that's precisely my problem, i smell the hints of trouble and i abandon ship rather than fight it out to the end. not because i assume the worse, but assume the non-ideal...
i can make myself happy in any situation in any other aspect of my life, so why do i see this as a non-negotiable? i guess i always have. i guess i didn't think there was any other way to go...or maybe it's because i see the extremely adverse effects of trying to make one's self happy in those situations.

perhaps, perhaps....perhaps.

maybe i'll wait this one out and see. maybe i need to take my optimism and enthusiasm for other things and apply it.

it's also so much easier for me to sit on the outside and say "think about this, consider that. say this, ask that." i can't gain perspective on myself and unfortunately, i've put myself into such a situation that doesn't really enable any impartial third party observers that could advise or assist in any truly helpful way.

or maybe i should follow the voice in my head. i just can't decide if it's negative or merely realistic...

i do know that i will continue to attract what i have been:
opportunities and choices are out there.
they are making themselves available to me.
i am perfectly capable of attaining them.
i am already possessing them,
in my head.

Step 1!

uh uh! not cool!!!

what the h?
i'm not okay with the fact that monumental things are happening in people's lives and i know nothing of them.
i know sometimes i suck, but i really do try to keep in touch with people because it's important and i'm not a fan when i don't see it the other way...
hrm

i guess that's all i have to say about that.
it's weird being back in boston, i guess i'm really glad i'm hear, but it was tough coming in. i wasn't excited to get off the plane and i wasn't excited to come back. (or rather, i wasn't happy to leave europe)
now, i'm really happy i'm here, of course. i'm having wonderful times with wonderful people but just a noteworthy personal note

many things are official

it's official, i'm terrible at updating my blog.
it's official, i have the best internship EVER
it's official, i'm completely stoked to be in Boston for the summer (as soon as they tell me whether or not i got work study money)

and that's all i know
I can't write about all the adventures and our journeys to the far reaches of ireland, which were incredible!
or my adventures with sarah, which were also incredible and surreal.
BUT what i can write about is just my last three weeks. which is how long i've been at my internship at Medecins Sans Frontieres aka Doctors w/o Borders. i'm obsessed with the organization and our office.
EXAMPLE:
last night was our little celebration for Deirdre (who was our recruiting head, but was moving to things like Myanmar) and so we went out to dinner at the restaurant called Juice, that's vegetarian and tasty if not very creative with their dishes. but it was lovely we had wine and dined and then went out to a pub and drank and laughed and had a grand old time until it closed when we just headed to another place...until it closed and then hopped a cab out to who knows where to this late night indian place that was REALLY good!
but the whole night was very easy and fun and chill and it's gonna be really hard to leave it all. and france i'm afraid, will have a lot to live up to!

on the inauguration from across the pond

I've been looking at every body's pictures from the inauguration and i find myself so jealous that i couldn't be there and at the same time so grateful that i am where i am.
one of the best things to see is the int'l. reaction to something that to Americans feel so personal and that we connect to and attach so much of ourselves too.

we all knew the reaction when he got elected but seeing the response to his inauguration is better cause i can see it, touch it and hear it. i have my own Irish Times with him on it AND my own supplement of the 90th anniversary of the Irish Parliament so there ya go!
I mean no one was excited as we were about it but it's funny to watch their reactions to OUR reactions. And i cried. it was a beautiful moment and is a very perceptible and inevitable shift in the future of our country.
and for the first time that i've been abroad i didn't feel like people were hating me because of where i'm from...i get handshakes instead of hate.

in other news:
last week we got a chance to run up some mountains in Glendalough and even though it was an absolutely NASTY cold and rainy day ( which oddly enough with so many of them, i have a new found appreciation for!) it was soooo nice to be outside and walking and hiking and just being in the elements and the views were BREATHTAKING (also these were the source of the water used to make guiness so what could be wrong..?!)

and this week i've just been laying low, waiting on the fund-age, which is FINALLY in my account and available as of tomorrow! there will be celebratory tapas and wine and we're hitting a street market tomorrow morning! could NOT be more excited!

ALSO i had my interview with Medecins Sans Frontieres this past Monday! AND found out today that i got it for sure!! very VERY exciting! i know a lot of the work i'm doing is grunt work but i'm very curious and interested just to see what i could be doing when i graduate and just figure things out and solidify them a bit more! (plus they're giving me a travel and meal stipend so WOOTTT!)

out tonight for some much-needed adventures on the town (first time i've let myself out since the first weekend) we shall seee

new heights

in every sense....
today i introduced my poor, unsuspecting roommate to an aspect of myself that not many people get to see, my secret love for Hannah Montana/ Miley Cyrus music! i credit this to my dear dominique and the darlings for whom i've babysat and all the kids i've volunteered with...cause i mean if you don't know Hannah Montana even now, you're NOTHING with these kids, i tell ya!

but in other news on my actual journeys through the great land of eire...

i have to go all the way back to last Sunday for the purposes of a well-documented and accurately time-framed adventure

last Sunday we decided it'd be a swell idea to journey to the coast, in particular the Northern maritime petit village of Howth (pronounced like the rhyme friend of "both) which was really cute and with a nice farmers market, if rather small but the best part in the rainy wind was walking out on the stone pier thing and now i'm too tired to finish this, i wanna read my book that i got from my history teacher entitled the Twelth of July