"...it almost pays for the thud"

thud.

i guess i shouldn't throw in the towel so soon when i don't even know.
maybe that's precisely my problem, i smell the hints of trouble and i abandon ship rather than fight it out to the end. not because i assume the worse, but assume the non-ideal...
i can make myself happy in any situation in any other aspect of my life, so why do i see this as a non-negotiable? i guess i always have. i guess i didn't think there was any other way to go...or maybe it's because i see the extremely adverse effects of trying to make one's self happy in those situations.

perhaps, perhaps....perhaps.

maybe i'll wait this one out and see. maybe i need to take my optimism and enthusiasm for other things and apply it.

it's also so much easier for me to sit on the outside and say "think about this, consider that. say this, ask that." i can't gain perspective on myself and unfortunately, i've put myself into such a situation that doesn't really enable any impartial third party observers that could advise or assist in any truly helpful way.

or maybe i should follow the voice in my head. i just can't decide if it's negative or merely realistic...

i do know that i will continue to attract what i have been:
opportunities and choices are out there.
they are making themselves available to me.
i am perfectly capable of attaining them.
i am already possessing them,
in my head.

Step 1!