Place AND Purpose!

after a ridiculous hiatus AND having a required something for which i can procrastinate, i'm resuming BLOGging (it's fun to say if you say it slooowly)
i can't promise this will be interesting or amusing, but it IS me.

i have my Peace Corps placement! I am going to Rwanda!! i'm going to work with the ministry of health and approved organizations and agencies to work on HIV/AIDS awareness and prevention! there will be a large element of working with orphans and vulnerable children(OVCs) and especially those at highest risk for transmission...young women.
of course, this is just a word description, a blurb on an experience that will be all-consuming and all-encompassing and will take over my life...likely for the rest of it.
it's a commitment beyond two years and as of right now, i could NOT be more excited to undertake it! let the preparation begin!

alternance...

back and forth..in oh so many senses.

right now I SHOULD be working on my paper that's due in 4 and a half hours...and yet...i've done everything but. I intend to fill a lot of space with images and "important" tables and such. visuals! she said visuals were very important...but that's not exactly what i felt compelled to write about.

it's my dynamic relationship with Paris...i can't say France but i don't put those two in the same category and I don't feel like I know the rest of France to comment on it at all.

BUT PARIS, on my dear city I could write volumes, especially how often i go back and forth on wanting to get back to the states and my fam... and within 5 minutes, I can't imagine leaving Paris.

It's really different than every other time i've been abroad. and i have moments where I miss Dublin so much! and now i wanna spend a semester in Geneva and one in Sydney! I really should've done another study abroad! i say that at the same time as I really wish i could be home sooner...and with my family in Illinois

...and with my friends in Boston

...and continue on here for another semester

I think it's partially the language thing. I don't feel like i've gotten as far as I should've with my french and just feel if i had another 2 months I could really do something with it and be where I feel like I should be. so for this last month I'm really gonna try and use it more...AKA all the time!

i guess at the end of it all, i just feel so cut into a million pieces and none is any stronger than the other. tough stuff.

and that's the problem with falling so fast.

i fall for where i am...and a part of me is lost there forever...and i can't take it back.

the attachment is there...

and not everyone understands that. but those that do, understand a huge part of me.

a part of myself that i'm not sure yet how to deal with...maybe that will be my mission in life. satisfying this extremely complex, divided part of myself.

in the meantime, i'll go with whatever comes to me. cause really, what other choice do i have?

whatareyagonnado?

So, yeah, not so good at updating again!

i really would have to write this on my hand to remember! i mean, i have been writing in my journal (went nuts on it in Italy)!

italy was amazing and i wouldn't travel any other way but couchsurfing now! it's sooo nice to have a local perspective! and the type of person that is attracted to it is typically someone i get along really well with and have much in common with! and i really made some great friends! three of whom are coming to Paris!! Great stuff, it was nice to meet new people, even if doing some of the touristy stuff alone kinda sucked sometimes! BUT i got to take all the time i wanted and just wandered.

that was perfection, truly. amazing.

and Italy was fun. much more chill and outlandish than Paris BUT i was actually pretty happy to get back and i got off the plane and it literally smelled like a boulangerie (!!) and amazing fresh baked bread....happiness and it was warm and rainy and PERFECT!

and then i started my stage...

and the first week of my stage was rough but it's quite nice now! except i have to work saturday but they gave me the next two Mondays off and then till my last weekend in Paris, i have people here! this is gonna start going too quickly i know it will...

obviously i had a low where i wanted to be in Boston, or home, but now i just need a refresher and i'd love to be back!

Gonna start figuring out next year i guess...

for now, i'll just make it through the next two days of work.

"life's full of little rubs and disappointments"

this is dumb.

keep that preface in mind while i whine a moment...

i'm just a little distappointed that i can't do everything i want to do in Paris, or many things, because of money. it's just such a dumb thing that has such a big effect on things. i had a dumb cry about it's dumbity dumbness and dumbdumb and then played the song that has made me happy since the age of like 4...George Harrion: Got my Mind Set on You....

do i have ANY idea why i like it so much? well, i've loved it for years

do i have ANY idea why i've liked it since my infancy? NOT at all

what about it appealed to 4 yr. old me in the car? no clue.

BUT i vividly remember driving in the car and listening to it!

ridiculous and hilarious

so that's what i'll end on. away from dumb worries about dumb things that are ridiculous because i know i'm gonna eat tomorrow and the day after, and that i have somewhere to sleep for the foreseeable future AND I'M IN PARIS!

(finding FREEE THINGS that are rock steady!)

exactly a month

so i've been here exactly 30 days...and am listening to the 500 days of summer soundtrack (not really important information, i just appreciate the number + days coincidence)

and i've figured out several things:

-i'm impatient about my internship

-i've just started to feel like my french is getting somewhere

-i have a semi-unhealthy relationship with coffee

-sometimes the french need to chill out and wear brighter colors and smile

-i'm not sure i'll ever get sick of this song "Sweet Disposition" very gratifying for a multitude of reasons

-i should be going to bed right now...i have my midterm tomorrow

-i'm not gonna want to wake up tomorrow, BUT i'll try to remember to say "Rabbit, rabbit!" when i do

-i'm not sure i'm ever gonna be completely satisfied with any one country cause they're too much of one thing or many things. traveling is like having a bunch of friends that you appreciate for different reasons and do different things with: someone to go to the party with, someone to go to the theatre, someone to go to the movies, someone to just sit and have a coffee with, someone for the museums, and the best friend is one you don't have to do anything with...you just enjoy being together.

I'm still working on my country "best friend"

I'm honestly not sure if i'll ever find it, or if i need to...something to think about

don't mess....

so i just about 45 minutes on the phone with Bank of America who i clearly told i would be out of the country but who kept calling my dear poor mother warning of suspicious activity (of which there was none)

SO i called them so they'd quit bothering and calling and to make sure they didn't put a hold on anything. And after 15 mins of being bounced around i got INTO IT with some chick who was saying i answered my own damn questions wrong and that i'd have to fax in two forms of i.d. to which i responded "oh HELL no!" and told her that if i called and got someone else that i wouldn't have to deal with anything and that poutain/salope went and said i had suspicious activity on my account TODAY!!! and she was clearly messing with the wrong girl! because i AM who i say i AM i got the email and immediately called the exact same dept. got a different NICER person with whom i answered the questions the exact same way and got through and everything was cleared up! GO FIGURE!!! don't tell me i'm wrong, when i'm RIGHT!!!!

so NEGH! i was VERY nice to the other 3 people i spoke to because we didn't have beef and i have found things normally go better when you're very polite to them...but chick messed with the WRONG girl at the WRONG TIME! but it was quite good because i basically gotta vent all my frustration that inevitably builds up...in a constructive way! (on some YOTCH from B of A, who clearly deserved it for being so intractable) i mean i'm very emotionally healthy now and ready to progress with my language learning without a breakdown (which i very much expected) i actually hope i get to talk to her in another month and a half when i may need to vent again....

the road abroad is bumpy sometimes, because of language, because of the misunderstandings from language, because of the fatigue from the misunderstandings from language, and from the grumps that appear because of the fatigue from the misunderstandings from language....

but i've glided over the first one without crying...maybe gritted-teeth talking...but no crying or yelling. i dare say we're good for the moment.

also the above is a cool thing near my school which is near the tour eiffel

things i do and did

SO

first and foremost, a round of applause for no coffee or pastries! yes, it is possible. and Yes, i'm very proud of myself!

I also found great FREE things...you know exciting, hopping places where i can meet people and chat it up! like....the Louvre...and the Montparnasse cemetery! yay!!!

i actually loved how delightfully quiet it was....is that weird?

and the Louvre, is perfect. period. i will be going back there many a time, hang out in Napoleon III's apartments, you know, the us-.

but i've got my presentation tomorrow...and require beauty sleep!