The long and winding road...(goes in a circle in Rwanda). Today has been like so many others, it's simply up and down...a constant flux between, "what am I doing here?" and "look at all that I could (see, learn, etc.) do here!" This weekend was absolute madness because we had a 'Youth Conference' and the thing is, I'm sure whatever you're picturing is not how this was. First of all, the thing was centered around the Center that I happen to live in. So if the thought of a couple hundred kids running around isn't scary enough, now put them right outside the door. Keep in mind, the compound I live in has a hallway of rooms and then a courtyard, off the courtyard are the toilets (pits), showers, and kitchen. So to go anywhere outside of my room I was bombarded with the kids being like "Good morning! Howe areee YU?" which sounds pleasant, until they stare and watch everything you do. closely.
Now when I went in for my Peace Corps interview, they ask a bunch of questions, including "How do you feel about living with the Fishbowl Effect (aka, everyone watching your every move)?" And you know i was all confident and said, "Oh after being in Beijing where people will take photos of you and with you, when they don't know you and talk about the waiguoren and Brazil where everyone knew who the American was I'm sure I can get used to it" Neither of those could have prepared me for this level of interest. I got used to it during training, but I also usually had back-up of a couple other trainees to diffuse everything, or I was with my family. I can make a game of it most of the time, like when the kids follow and touch your arm or leg to make sure you feel human I'll touch them back or joke around with them. In church, I've just gotten used to the stares and I can just zone out. But, it's still intimidating when the kids swarm you. I can't wait for the day when this doesn't bug me as much. It'll come.
SO, i got a great deal of that this weekend and I think both the volume, and the fact that there was no safe place made it tough. But then the really confusing part of this weekend was that I was never really sure of where I fit in to the whole thing. I had a vague schedule but the person I thought was in charge was never anywhere to be found so I did a lot of wandering. This would be fine if I were Rwandan, they just stand around and watch or wander fairly often. They have mastered the art of doing naco (nothing). I'm working on it. I was standing around and making a bit of conversation on Saturday morning while they were making mud bricks and then jumped into the process. It was nice, they were working and laughing WITH me. And then after about an hour, I went to clean up and got roped into choir practice! (Now, when I was here for my visit, I stopped by to see them and they invited me to join, and of course, on the spot, I said yes...) Since then, I sang with them at the Bishop's mass and during a 2 hr rehearsal. We'll see where that goes. I like singing, but all the music is just lyrics hand-written out in various notebooks (no staff, notes, etc. a little tricky)
Then I was just kinda hanging out until my presentation which was supposed to start at 1, but i had no idea where or for how many kids of what ages. I had planned on using the time to do some community analysis and get some info from them while they worked in groups (minimal kinyarwanda, max output). After actually finding who was organizing things, I found out that wasn't going to be possible. It didn't help that Saturday happened to be a day where everything was going in one ear and out the other...i was completely incapable of comprehending kinyarwanda. SUPER great timing! But I made it through the presentation and actually got some ideas of the problems they're facing and then driving home the point that I was there to help...but that they had the ultimate power to fix things. After this, I collapsed in my bed for a nap to recover. Sunday was the WORLD'S LONGEST MASS. They felt the need to recap the weekend, in excessive detail...including the homily that everyone was present for. Department of Redundancy Department, much? My patience is also in direct correlation with level of hunger. BUT I survived...the whole 4 hr. thing.
On the bright side...
I do think there are many fulfilling things that I could be doing here, I'm just working on putting those together...and it's a slow process. I've been given a very traditional Peace Corps position in that I don't have a real organization that I'm working with...or a supervisor...or coworkers. I just have to make it up as I go along. I've never dealt with that before but I'm taking it as an opportunity to make this what I want it to be and as freedom to find the things that I find fulfilling. yeah...that's it.
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