puzzles are puzzling

So I guess life is always like a puzzle. There are always all these different pieces that you're trying to find to put together to create your life. You have to figure out a way to make the "work" piece and the "fun" piece mix with the "people" pieces and somehow make all of those be something that makes sense to you and something you're happy and proud to show off as "My Life."

But now imagine you can't see the edges of the pieces...what if they were blurry, what if you didn't know where one ended and the other began? And then what if you couldn't see the picture. What if you weren't sure what it was all supposed to look like at the end? Granted, most of us don't know what the finished product will be and granted, that changes pretty often. BUT there are some things that are certain. It's as if our personality and understanding of ourselves create the outline, the edge pieces.
Here, I feel like all my edge pieces have lost their edge.

The Peace Corps is difficult, but not in the ways you originally anticipate. It's the constant scrutiny and the isolation that get to you. You feel like no one wants to get to know you for you. They don't wanna know you because they think you might be an interesting person, but because you could be a ticket to America, or a funding opportunity here. NOW, this is obviously not true of everyone, but is most often true of the people that seek you out to get to know you. And to most others...you're an oddity. An attraction to stare at because you MUST be about to do something un-human. And your feelings on that don't really matter, aren't something valid because you're not in their frame of reference.
I'm sorry if this is whiny or not happy but it's just kind of how I've been feeling the past week or so.
There are still bright moments, like the smile of an old woman when we share "amahoro" (peace) at mass. Or my little babies at the preschool singing and dancing in front of the class, or playing with the little babies near my friend's place and then having them cuddle up to me as they tire out...but those are seeming more like the exception than the real. I'm working really hard to take more of the positive from every moment. Truly. I guess I just gotta keep that up and make it dominate. I guess it's that attitude that will have to be my puzzle glue to keep me together...I just have to make sure it's glue rather than the fist just trying to smash pieces to make them fit.