investments...

Unfortunately, this post is not about hot tips from emerging African markets...but you probably figured I wouldn't have those in the first place.
No, this is about the (sometimes) far less lucrative investment of time in people and places. I have now invested almost 10 months in Rwanda and almost 8 months out East at my site. Sometimes I feel like this investment has returned dividends 10x what I put in. Sometimes I feel like I've lost my shirt. The most bizarre thing is that often, I'm not even sure of my investment. Do I measure it in time? In people left behind? In exertion of energy? In number of headaches? In moments of embarrassment? All of the above?
Then the question becomes how to measure the returns? When you're not dealing with money it's all obviously a lot more subjective. This all makes the question, "Is it worth it?" really, really tough to answer. Most of the time I just have to trust that my inner economist will stop me when I become irrational, when what I am getting back is less than what I'm putting into it.
It's weird too, I suppose, to be thinking of those sorts of things in my line of work. Isn't the whole point of leaving everything I left to be less selfish? Shouldn't I be worrying about what I am giving and not what I'm getting? The answer is, "yes." BUT, I guess through all of this I find I'm inching my way towards the 'No True Altruism' camp. Yes, I do want to spend my life helping people and investing my time and energy in that, BUT it's because that's what makes me happy. My joy comes from helping other people and seeing the benefits they get from my energy and work. I said it before that I think it takes all kinds and this is just my kind. This kind is still human. My ultimate goal in life is still to be happy. Again, how do you measure that happy? I guess we have to spend our whole life figuring that out and like most other things, it's just a little trickier to know here in Rwanda.