Finally

so i haven't been able to update for a bit because the internet's a little nutty but a lot has gone on since i last posted, as is the case every day...

so the last time we met our heroine she was getting settled into her digs, in attempts to get some essential items for said "digs," i went to the Carrefour or supermarket (but a French company oddly enough) and of course once we got there and were getting ready to leave it was raining cats and dogs or maos and gous; so we were trying to wait it out and then we were just gonna make a run for a taxi, and then decided to just RUN ahah obviously a GREAT idea..within seconds we were completely soaked and in a little underground pass (which they have all over the city so you can cross the streets that are like 8-10 lanes) i completely wiped out because of my no traction flip flops and the shin-high water! really i was dying, but i got up quickly cause that was some of the dirtiest water i'd seen in some time!

got back and finally met my roommate who is incredibly sweet if a little much and also incredibly willing to help me learn; i really think we'll get along swell

and i've also gotten to know some of the other people in the program better and they're really great; i'm trying not to compare them to my incredible exchange friends because we're here in a very different capacity and thus, sharing some different experiences. i think one of the biggest differences is that now that we are under the language pledge (which can get you sent home if broken and overheard 3 times) it's not like my fellow exchangers in Brasil who were the only ones i could speak english with comfortably because here it's strictly verboten

there are only 3 out of 70 of us who have no prior Chinese and are starting from scratch, at first i thought it was great, i still do but while we were still able to speak English (up until yesterday (sunday)) we, or at least I got some jokes about it, along the lines of "oh, i can only talk to you for another day" which i found very odd... and also illustrated one of the other differences between here and rotex: a certain level of competition; which is i guess understandable, because if this were my major or my only foreign language or career path i might be more serious about it all...but at the same time, i don't think it needs to spill over to other people and that if you take something like this too seriously, you miss out on some great experiences and friends

and perhaps that's reflective of what i stake my worth in, i see the value in people and knowledge through experience and experimentation and just exploring and being and others seem more worth in other things...either way i was just a bit taken aback, and although it's not the majority, and mostly came from people who i already find not entirely worth much interest; but i've gotten it enough to become slightly defensive about it all, which i didn't expect to revert to at all while here

but on the other hand i've met some pretty awesome people who are really interesting and i can't wait till Weds. @ 8 (we get an english break 8-10 in the activity room) to talk to again!! aha

i mean i really feel like i'm picking it up fairly quickly, like i'm able to understand some phrases and words in conversations and i've only had one day of lessons...it's just going to take patience with myself and understanding of where i am and where i can be, and also dedication to study extra to get myself into conversations quicker

the only thing that has frustrated me more than anything was that they decided it'd be a great idea to take us first years and make us sit at a table by ourselves with our teachers IN THE CORNER for the first 2 weeks, i was laughing to keep from crying because people kept coming up to sit with us and i had to mime that we were by ourselves until they remembered and left,
like we're already isolated because we don't speak the language, the table separation and teachers just make me feel like i did something bad by not taking Chinese previously.
i mean having been in this sort of situation before, it's really the most helpful to just be around other people who are speaking the language and try and work out what you can of the conversation... i honestly wanted to talk to the director about how shitty we all obviously felt and it was evident on our faces and in our demeanors ( i could not even disguise it and they kept asking me if i was tired, because i was spacing out and trying to not just yell BUT they say it's only for 2 weeks....( i see that as a quarter of my time here....)

i've decided today though to avoid that feeling in the future i'm just going to look at as an opportunity to ask questions and get help from my teachers, which was i'm sure their intention in the first place, as poorly as i feel it was carried out
but in the midst of all this, at the end of lunch i got the hug that i'd been needing all day and life was just that much better, it really did just make my life and i'll probably be needing one of those everyday for the first month!

and then i just went to stretch and dance to get it all out, but i had bad energy so it wasn't my best session ever...i just need to start stretching and doing little stuff every day to keep this slightly greasy food off of me! ahaha and to get out everything pent up

however!! there were times today when i was in the class and just so excited to be learning new things, and when i could feel myself learning it was an awesome feeling. i really was stoked to be getting parts of it and even though i had nervous butterflies every time i had to speak i also had excited ones and i'll let those over power the others

and you know my other favorite thing is watching people and people with other people and people's reaction to people and it's a very interesting dynamic here...amongst us students and within the city...it's so interesting to analyze people when they're in these odd and extreme circumstances and i don't mean to sound like a creep it's just CURIOUS! and as always, funny to me

in short, things are tough, i'm getting tough, other things are awesome and i love taking it all in!